Lost and Found
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Continuing after Big Baby Bruce might want to read that first Dick has to find Bruce after he snuck out. Unfortunately for Dick, things get a lot weirder. Is it an alien parasite or are Bruce and Alfred really just nuts? Story concludes in Week Old Pizza.


Dick was still sitting on the floor in the bathroom an hour later when his cell phone started ringing. Dick had no intention of answering it, but knew things would only get worse if he ignored it for the third time since Bruce left. Before Dick could get out the sound of the H for hello his wife was screaming at him.

Barbara was fuming on the other end of the phone. "I saw Batman on the consol. Then he blinked off the screen when I contacted him to ask why he wasn't in bed. So, since I got no answer out of him maybe you would you like to tell me why he isn't in bed. I knew you were irresponsible, but this takes the cake, Dick! The man should be resting, not out and about, and you were supposed to make sure that's where he was. What the hell, Dick?"

Dick couldn't hold in his anger. "Okay, first off, he's a grown man. Second, it's not like I removed his restraints and was like go fly free. Third, he's THE BAT. If he wants out he will find a way, and if he doesn't want to be found he'll make damn sure he's not."

Barbara was infuriated with her husband. "Don't you dare get a tone with me just because you screwed up, okay buddy? You better get out there and find him. Then you better get back there and make sure Alfred is okay."

Dick had considered fighting some more considering that when he did get back home he was sleeping on the couch any way but decided against it. Dick headed down to the cave to suit up. He figured he was going to need every trick Nightwing had and then some. He then decided the least he could do was check on Alfred before he left. When Dick got up to Alfred's room it was empty. "Oh my God, the two of them were made for each other." Dick was so frustrated he couldn't help but scream out loud.

Alfred appeared behind him a moment later. "Master Dick, are you accusing me of disregarding direct orders. I simply went to the bathroom. You might want to work on that whole over reacting disposition you've suddenly adapted." Alfred moved passed Dick and slipped into his bed. "I believe you have a certain Bat to find." Alfred finished before drifting back to sleep.

Nightwing took off out the window. While searching for the Bat he couldn't help but wonder when Alfred had gotten so snippy towards him. Nightwng landed on the roof of Wayne Enterprises looking for some kind of hint to where Batman might have gone.

As he was looking around Oracle started going off in his ear. "Find him yet?"

Nightwing sighed. "No, you want to help me or scream at me."

Oracle really had to ponder that one. "What do you say I do both that way I can kill two birds with one stone."

Nightwing stopped for a moment. "Hold up I thought you only wanted to kill this bird. Who's the other one?"

Oracle breathed deeply. "Nightwing, SHUT UP! I'm not in the mood for your immature humor."

Nightwing started to smile a little. "Awe come on. You know you love it."

Oracle was getting tired of this conversation. "Dick, you're starting to make me wonder what deep fried Nightwing would be like."

Nightwing gulped. "Okay, I'm shutting up."

Oracle started typing something. "Okay, try Bruce's office."

Nightwing was a little irked she didn't think he could figure that one out on his own. "Yeah, because you know I came all the way to Wayne Enterprises and it never dawned on me check the big guy's office. Thank you oh wise one."

Oracle slammed her fist onto her desk. "Deep fried Nightwing is looking better and better." Before he could say anything else she cut the connection.

Nightwing crept down into Bruce Wayne's office. As he expected nothing, no one was there, and the entire building was rather empty. Nightwing walked over and sat in the chair behind the desk. He then started to look through some boring papers for Bruce's day job. Nightwing was lost in thought when a voice behind him boomed in his ear. "You know it's not very nice to touch other people's things." The Bat was standing right behind him.

Nightwing turned in the chair. "Oh, says the man who is king of doing such."

Batman just gave Nightwing his notorious stern Bat glare. "What are you doing in my office?"

Nightwing wasn't exactly sure how to approach him. "Okay, well you're sick. So, let's get you back home before my wife cuts off my head and deep fries me like a chicken."

Batman continued glaring at Nightwing for a moment and then just started bursting out laughing. "Ha ha ha ha, a chicken that's funny."

Nightwings eyes were opened wide behind his masks. Truth be told neither Nightwing nor Dick had been more petrified at any given moment than he was right now. Slowly Nightwing moved closer to Batman, who was still laughing hysterically. Before Batman knew what hit him Nightwing had knocked him out cold.

As he grabbed Batman to take him back to the cave Nightwing contacted Oracle. "Okay, I think we should do another, more detailed, check for alien parasites. We should also look into all of the cases that he's done in the last two weeks that could have exposed him to something that's making him act like a complete psycho, as opposed to just mostly psycho." Nightwing was practically shaking as he spoke.

Before Oracle could really get a grasp on what was going on she was being sent recordings of the incident. "What the hell happened to him? I mean he was sick before, you know, like a little cold or something, but this is crazy. It was like it wasn't even Bruce or Batman I was listening to."

Nightwing was already on the rooftops making his way across town. "You're telling me. I was the one standing there in front of him. I was so freaked out I thought I was going to wet myself. As soon as I get to the cave I'm injecting him with a sedative and there's nothing you can say or do to stop me!"

Oracle almost laughed. "Stop you; I was going to suggest it. Be careful, I'm going to start searching those cases now. When you get to the cave let me know."

Nightwing finally got back to the cave, gave Batman the tranquilizer, and went to work on the computer. Before he even had a chance to inform Oracle he was back she was conversing in his ear. "I looked in all of his cases in the last month and I've got nothing. What about you're on end?"

Nightwing looked over his shoulder to make sure Bruce was still out cold. "Well, I just got here, but no. I haven't found anything so far. I'm about to run some more test on him. I think alien parasite is the best way to go on this one."

Oracle dropped her head a little. "You know Dick, just because you were right that one time doesn't mean it always has to come down to an alien parasite."

Nightwing looked up at the computer screen for a moment. "Right, next thing you're going to tell me is that this is all just because he's sick and delusional and doesn't really know what's going on."

Oracle was still sifting through Batman's cases. "Well, you know that always is a possibility."

Nightwing was outraged at this. "What? Where is you're back bone woman? Where are your senses? Shouldn't your Bat Sense being tingling, right now, telling you that something is definitely wrong, something more than just a cold?"

Oracle gave up she knew there was no use in trying to talk to Dick while he was like this. "Okay, fine, go have fun looking for alien parasites. Not that I believe you will or anything, but if you find something let me know." Oracle ended her conversation with Nightwing and headed back to searching through Batman's cases.

After Nightwing had finished going through all of the test results, and determining that it was in fact not an alien parasite that was infecting Bruce he got back into his street clothes and headed upstairs to check on Alfred.

When Dick had gotten up the stairs of the cave he heard some strange noises coming from the kitchen. Assuming it was Alfred trying to clean again; he slithered into the kitchen, looked around, and noticed the refrigerator door was opened. Wanting to get the jump on the old man for being out of bed and trying to clean out the refrigerator while he was sick Dick crept over to the opened door and jumped out screaming. The sight that Dick beheld in his eyes was a most unexpected one. There was Alfred standing in front of the open refrigerator with a half eaten vanilla cream pie and a fork with a large pile of pie on it ready to be shuffled into his mouth. Dick was so shocked he literally jumped backwards.

Grabbing his cell phone out of his pocket Dick called Barbara. When Barbara answered the phone she sounded rather surprised. "Dick, I'm busy being Oracle right now. Whatever it is it will have to wait unless it's something about Bruce in which case you know you should be calling me as NW."

Dick could hardly think, not alone worry about who he was calling as. "Whatever is wrong with Bruce is wrong with Alfred, as well." He was shaky and uneasy as he spoke.

Barbara was becoming rather worried, what the hell was going on with those two. Finally in order to get her husband to calm down she decided to make light of the situation by blaming it on male PMS.

Dick was starting to get back to his usual self. "I think there are only so many things you can blame on that, honey."

Barbara chuckled a little still trying to keep Dick calm. "Well, it's not like either of them have ever been sick before. So, maybe this is their way of dealing with it."

Dick laughed a bit at that too. "Well, if that's the case can I sedate both of them, lock them in their rooms, and wait til there better to let them out."

Barbara was exhausted and tired of dealing with this issue. "Sure honey, go ahead. I'll call Superman or Manhunter later to check both of them out and see if there really is anything wrong with them other than a cold or something."

Dick just stood there in disbelief that his wife would allow him to do that to his adopted father and the entire family's best friend. "Are you serious or are you just being sarcastic because I can't tell anymore?"

Barbara closed all of the case files of Batman's that she had been thumbing through. "Yeah, I'm serious. Just make sure the restraints are tight enough that neither of them can get out. Then you can come back home and one of the other two will be over later tonight to check on them. See you soon, night." After that she hung up.

Dick left the kitchen, leaving Alfred there with the rest of his pie. Dick went down to the cave and got another syringe for Alfred. He came up, waited until Alfred had completely finished the pie, and Dick had enough great pictures to embarrass Alfred with later, and then Dick injected him with the sedative. Once Dick had Alfred secured in bed he headed back down to the cave to get Bruce back into Bruce wear and get him back into bed. After he was finished with all of that he got into his car and sped away from the proverbial nuthouse.

When Dick arrived home he didn't even say hello to his wife and kids. He walked straight upstairs to bed. As Dick's tired body hit the bed all he could think was "this is why Saturdays are sleep days, and I will make it my mission for everyone in the world to know that from now on."

The End


End file.
